WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
