A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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