Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
