We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
