so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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