I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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