For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
