He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
