its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
