Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
