He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
