these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
