let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
