I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
