Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just pee around me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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