so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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