she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Come share oat with me in your robe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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