Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
