Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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