He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
