I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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