ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My life is pants optional.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
