She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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