She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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