Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
