i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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