You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
