we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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