Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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