there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
