He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
