i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
