i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
