I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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