dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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