Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
