I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
