I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
