You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
