I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
