i don't like sucking hair
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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