better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
