I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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