He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
