hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
