And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
