do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
