so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My feet surprised me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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