I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
