If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
