is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
