he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
