i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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