guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
