More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
